Sunshine from rain :-)

It has been over a year since my 3rd child went to live in Heaven with her brother and sister. There have definitely been days where I get all teary-eyed, and there isn't a moment that I don't wish they were all here. But the beautiful thing is that I'm clear-headed and sober this time around. After I lost Amara in May of 2012, I went off the deep end as I usually do after a miscarriage, and it wasn't pretty. About two months later, the ironic thing being that I really hadn't had that much to drink, I was arrested for a DWI. Those six hours in jail opened my eyes more then anything else ever had. Since then, I've been sober 435 days as of today, October 1st. Getting sober made me really look at the situations I would have brought these precious children into. I used to only think of the father they'd lack, but I know now that even if I'd stopped drinking while I was pregnant, once stress set in, I'd have picked it right back up. Knowing this doesn't make losing my babies easier, but it does put it into perspective for me.